Monday, February 06, 2006 @ 6:07 PM
i realized one of my long posts was missing. -.-;
IT'S A REALLY LONG POST KAYY?
about saturday. weird. it's gone. -.-;
anyways- maybe i'll re-type what i raftly wrote.
saturday service day. service praise and worship atmosphere was different. overwhelming atmosphere. it's not the songs, but.. spiritually. yup. and during dctm- the worship atmosphere was great too. as gideon had said, it must have been the Lord.
anyways-
since friday after pm, i've been thinking through a lot on the reason why the group hasn't been growing, and why i haven't been able to rise up as a careleader for so long.
(im quite irritated.. why was that post missing?! -.-'' okay. out of point. let's get back.)
God revealed to me it has got to do with the problem of pride. i prayed and repented to God and i told Him i don't wish to be the burden from stopping the group from growing. i humbly told him to strip me off from all titles- allowing me to humble myself as a servant of God, a child of God.
i enjoy being His servant. (: it's a great feeling.
i must lay down my pride and really remember to give thanks to God always. yeah, i do that very often, thanking God, but i want to thank Him more. i want Him so real in my life as if He was right by my side physically.
God, touch me so real, so deeply.
i need more breakthroughs. i've grown alot last year, but i know this isn't enough if i want to advance in the Kingdom. i need more breakthroughs in my life. i need to know Him better, i need to get closer to Him more and more, and i need to be more and more and more Word-based. because if i want my sheep to grow, i need to grow three times more than them, so that they may receive more.
i need breakthrough in invitation. i need breakthrough in courage. to really go out and ask people for service without being afraid. i need breakthrough in patience, to await God's promises to be fulfilled. i need more joy, to praise God in all circumstances, even if my contacts all rejected me. i need more faith, childlike faith, to believe that God will make it happen. i need more self-control, to manage my time wisely, and focus on the things i should focus. i need breakthrough in the Word, to receive more rhema word from Him, and to use the Word in every part of my life. i need breakthrough in love, to learn to love others more and more, deep from my heart.
i need breakthroughs.
oh God, oh God, oh God.
let Your will be done.
i realized something as well- my contacts or new-believers always seemed to be very busy. they have dead-packed schedule. it's like, they dont even have time to breathe. so i'll fast for them, to get a lighter schedule. and i'll fast for them to know God more to, for it's a joy to know Him, and it'll be such a pity if they don't experience Him at all.
i'll fast, for my sheep, to grow more. i pray to God that they'll really grow. i wouldn't care if they one day exceed me- if they ever did, go ahead! it's for the Kingdom of God! i'd be more that happy that they exceed me. in a spiritual manner, that is. -.-;
i'll fast and pray and i'll put my faith in Him.
wahhh.
God, please, God!
i thank God for allowing the post to "disappear". for when i re-typed the post, i am more convicted. (:
yay! x)
JIAYOU!!! >.<